Pain So Deep
by Rakusa
Summary: This is inspired by all those last season fics where Mamoru leaves and when he come back he breaks up with Usagi. This time around though it's a little different. Suspended, indefinitely... though maybe will come back to it.
1. Chapter 1

Pain So Deep

June 26, 2008

Sum: This is inspired by all those last season fics where Mamoru leaves and when he come back he breaks up with Usagi. This time around though it's a little different.

Chapter One

Last time he saw her, he was saying goodbye.

It had pulled out his heart to see her tear stained face looking at him like that. He hadn't wanted to leave her, but he'd been on this tract since he could remember and this was the only way to complete it and get to where he wanted to be.

He remembered that day clearly.

_"Mamo-chan!"_

_He turned and looked to Usagi as she ran through the crowds, almost being swallowed up by them as she forced her way through. His heart swelled with love as she made the effort to see him off. "I didn't think you were going to make it."_

_"I always will be there for you Mamo-chan." She told him, the love shinning out from her eyes._

_He smiled softly and hugged her. "Thank you." He whispered into her ear, but she didn't hear it as she pulled away and grinned at him, trying to be brave._

_"I made you this for your trip." She handed him a box and later he'd find out that it was a box filled with snacks and things to entertain him on his long journey. He took it and thanked her again, but made sure to put a slight more emphasis on the true meaning behind his thanks. _

_She was his family and to leave it all behind tore at him, cutting him deep and he wondered if he'd ever get this back again. Motoki too, was the friend he knew would always be there, no matter what happened, he'd just have to show up and things would be the same. _

_His innocent Usagi though, she'd learned so much from him, he wondered if she'd use that knowledge with others as well once he was gone. He pulled her off to the side, he'd make sure that wouldn't happen._

_"You have to know, I can't write to you as much as I'd like and so the communication will be kept to a bare minimum and it takes forever to get here."_

_Usagi nodded and beamed at him, despite the pain in her eyes. "That's ok Mamo-chan, I will write you a letter everyday and mail it, I'll keep this up for the both of us."_

_Mamoru smiled, that was his Usagi, and Mamo-chan rolled off her tongue in an endearment he just couldn't get her to stop, nor did he want her to. "I know." He told her gently and sat her down as he knelt in front of her. "I wanted to give you this." He pulled out a box. She was still in high school, she'd have graduated by the time he got back, but he didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to her, so he settled for a promise ring instead of an engagement ring, he'd get that for her later. He just hoped she understood the meaning behind this ring. _

_She took it and squealed and hugged him. "Usako." He held her close, breathing in her scent and trying to remember every detail about her. His acceptance and turn around had been so short, he barely packed, and he barely had time to tell her. But she had pushed him and so he had agreed and now he was off and on his way to Harvard for a year. Without her, he still would have gotten here, but he would have been a different person, probably not as well qualified in the humanity department as he was needed to be._

_She looked up at him, the tears rushing down her face and he groaned and tried to rub them away. She shook her head. "No, these are happy tears. I'll wear this ring proudly Mamo-chan." She told him fiercely._

_He leaned down and kissed her, it was one of the few public displays of affection they shared. It wasn't so much them, as it just wasn't done that much in Japan. If there was any, it was done in the home, away from outside eyes. Usagi was one though that didn't care about precedents and often did things that were considered taboo for one of her caliber and nature._

_She groaned and leaned into the kiss before he pulled away and grinned. "That is the look you should be wearing as I leave, not sadness, this one beckons my prompt return." _

_Usagi laughed and she nodded. "Of course Mamo-chan. I love you." She hugged him again and while he held her close, he echoed her sentiments._

_He looped his arm around her shoulders and together they walked to the departure gate. Usagi could only go so far, but as they walked, a man ran into her and they paused momentarily as they looked at each other, before the man apologized. "Sorry."_

_Usagi brushed him off, Mamoru vaguely recognized the guy as a celebrity among Usagi's demographics but Usagi quite clearly had no interest or clue and it was what made Mamoru laugh and pull her along as his brothers moved him as well. That move however, as Usagi didn't recognize him, was what caught that guy's interest._

Mamoru had hoped to stave off any truly depressing and separation, and it had lasted until the gates and it was he who almost broke down and cried but Usagi managed to hold her greater theatrics at bay for a change, knowing if she said anything he'd call the entire thing off and stay with her, refusing to leave her side and fear he'd forever blame her in the future. So she said nothing though he knew how much this separation was going to hurt the both of them. They had already been through so much.

That was what brought him to the here and now. He was finally home, and finally going to see his Usako again. After spending a year in New York, his tolerance of public displays of affection rose considerably and he was ready to share that with Usagi. He was ready to take her head on and perhaps move their relationship to a more serious level. But he would respect her and her speed and her decisions.

Her letters had come every day. After awhile they seemed to falter in her undying love and that was what concerned him. She wrote about what happened that day or the previous one. She deleted some of the more interesting things, but from the way she talked, she was maturing without him, and he knew that there was more trouble brewing in that part of the world than she let on.

America surprisingly didn't have much world news and what little he saw of it was situated in the Middle East, Europe or North Korea. However every once in a blue moon, he'd hear a news announcement about yet again weird occurrences attacking the greater Tokyo area.

She also mentioned something about in the news there were new senshi and how Haruka thought they looked like pansies. That meant that Haruka didn't like them, but Haruka didn't really like anyone either, so it didn't mean much. But he was also concerned about Usagi and the presence of the three idols at her school and in her class and their rather direction inclusion of her. Power breeds a lot to it and can make someone act a little irrationally.

So he was going to surprise Usagi. But first, he was going to get some sleep. It was midnight in Tokyo which meant he'd been awake for more that twenty-four hours, more like forty, and tomorrow was going to be a busy day.


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter Two

That morning, he felt the first strings of danger that he'd had since he first boarded the plane to go to America. He figured either Usagi blocked him from knowing he transformed or knew that unless she was in dire consequences, that it should leave him alone because he wasn't in any position to help him out.

He waited it out, and then finally transformed and followed what he'd been missing to its source, Sailor Moon. She was doing all right and when he was about to swoop in and save her, an attack smashed down in front of her, cutting off a direct attack and it surrounded her without harming her.

He pulled back and watched the scene play out. Sailor Moon finished the monster off and waved at the three figures standing off to the side on their own. Then she turned back to her own senshi and grinned tiredly before they all split up and went their separate ways. Usagi to her home no doubt, and the others to theirs. Mamoru was split, follow the new senshi before they knew of him, or follow Usagi to ensure her safety home… He decided on Usagi and he didn't want to risk being found out and killed from the unknown senshi because they didn't know he was a friend rather than a foe.

He hopped the branch and sat as Usagi collapsed onto her bed in exhaustion and then picked up the phone when it rang its first note, being cut off from following through with the programmed informer peal. "Moshi." She greeted informally and smiled when she heard the voice on the other end of the line. "I know." She agreed.

He watched her for awhile before he slipped out and went back to his home to sleep for longer. He'd see her the next day anyways. Usagi's eyes darted to the tree as it swayed gently and wondered what caused it.

Mamoru headed back to sleep and in a few hours got up again. He did a little bit of shopping and restocked his kitchen. It looked like Usagi hadn't been here in awhile. A long time ago, he'd given her his key for his apartment, and he had her water his plants while he was gone. The kitchen was cleared out of any perishable foods and the plants while a little sickly looking, looked well enough cared for as Usagi could do.

She wasn't the best with plants; he was the one with the green thumbs. While he knew it wasn't going to be that bad, he still sighed, it was such a Usagi move. If she had killed them, it would have been worse, he wouldn't have been able to sweet talk them back. He ran his finger across a petal and it darkened.

He usually had to wait it out, but these plants were dying for affection and without a person living here, they didn't get enough carbon dioxide to transfer to oxygen to breath and live. They all seemed to perk up as he walked by them and spoke. There was even a budding flower that loosened its bud and looked at him pleadingly. He could push the transformation, but he'd rather let it go at its natural pace, because the faster he pushed it to grow, the faster it died. However he had learned in America how to control it and to reverse it. But he didn't like messing with the natural events of the universe.

Some how he managed to get things put away and restock everything and return it to the way he liked things and delayed the time until he knew Usagi was bound to be at the arcade. He entered the sliding doors and Motoki was delayed somewhere else, talking to a customer and he heard the most amazing laugh and he spied her with her friends. Her back was turned towards him and no one else noticed him. She was standing up, and reaching for Rei's empty glass, to go up to Motoki for a refill, and he took his opportunity to wrap his arms around her shoulders. She turned towards him with a smile and it froze as she recognized who it truly was and then she screamed and jumped with her arms wrapping around him and holding him tight.

He pulled her tight and practically picked her up and spun around slightly. He dipped her and kissed her. Or attempted to as she turned her head and looked to her friends. "Mamoru is back you guys!" They smiled wryly, they couldn't have missed the loud shriek earlier. So he got her cheek.

Motoki caught the commotion and he clasped his hand onto Mamoru's shoulder. "Welcome back buddy."

"Hey Toki-kun."

But Mamoru's attention was on Usagi who was behaving slightly strange, she acted as if she was super excited to see him, but at the same time, she was slowly putting more space between them. He tightened his grasp around her and looked at Motoki, but kept an eye on Usagi.

"When did you get in?" Motoki asked. "I would have come and picked you up."

"I got in really late last night, I just caught a cab and crashed. Besides, I wanted to surprise the two of you today." He smiled at his best friend and then looked down into his girlfriend's face.

She smiled tightly up at him, but he knew it was forced. "I didn't think you'd get home for another two weeks." She said as she looked at his face, searching its planes as if trying to figure something out and understand some mystery that was beyond her.

"I know, I purposely was vague, we got done a little earlier than I thought. Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I am, I'm super happy!" Usagi told him, her voice pitched as if trying to reinsure him, and she was. "I missed you dreadfully."

"I missed you too." Motoki vocalized, realizing he'd get a chance to catch up with his best friend later, but this visit was entirely to see the girl in his arms. But he was still selfish and wanted to spend a little time with the absent member as much as he could really. But he'd sit and wait it out and allow the attention to be between those two for now, he'd just sit back and enjoy the sight.

"I missed both of you." Mamoru told them sincerely. Then looked at the remaining girls. "I missed all of you too." They were the ones that protected his love, they were the ones that he had shared many years and many experiences with, but not as many as the one in his arms.

"We missed you too Mamoru-chan." Rei responded and the other girls nodded as well.

"Of course we did." Ami piped up and gave a measuring look to Usagi and Mamoru tracked that gaze, wondering what it meant. The girls didn't miss anything when it came to Usagi, and if there was anything amiss, they'd know. He just wondered what it was, and wondered if he could get it out of one of them. They were pretty tight lipped when it came to their princess.

He let it drop and looked down at Usagi again who was staring avidly at his buttons on his shirt which he'd picked out especially for this meeting. He'd bought it in America and thought Usagi might like it.

A male came up to their group and cleared his throat. Usagi looked towards him and her eyes brightened. "Seiya, hey!" She looked up at Mamoru who was frowning at the intrusion, but he caught her gaze and she lost her smile. "I'd like you to meet Mamoru." She introduced.

"I see he's back from America now." Seiya wasn't too pleased at having to confront her boyfriend and Mamoru had heard that lack in the introduction. He wondered what had happened, usually she was so proud to introduce the fact that he was her boyfriend.

"He is." Usagi agreed happily.

Or at least she seemed happy, and when she turned that mega-watt smile towards him, he really believed it and wondered if he was just being too paranoid, this was Usagi, after all, and it had been awhile, and while it would be happiness, it might be slightly difficult to return what they had been automatically.

"Nice to meet you too." Mamoru stated dryly and Seiya shrugged.

"I guess. I mean it's been a while since you've left and all." Seiya replied nonchalantly. Motoki frowned at the other man and looked up to Mamoru with an apology. "Usagi, I guess we're off for today?"

Usagi smiled and nodded. "Mamoru's home, and I should catch up with him." Seiya nodded and turned around and left without a word to Mamoru or anyone else.

"What's up with him?" Mamoru asked when the other man was gone.

"Celebrity." Minako laughed off, and Mamoru wondered if it wasn't nervously.

Usagi tugged on his front and he looked down at her. "What do you say to getting an ice cream cone and walking around the park?" He asked gently and she nodded.

He waved goodbye to everyone and they left and headed away from them all and towards the park. "So… how was America? I didn't get much from you while you were away."

"Well, while I would have loved to come home between semesters, they only had a month break and they only had a week during the semester to do anything as well. They had a few random days, but that was all." Mamoru explained. "So during that time, I traveled around the country, met a lot of interesting locals and learned that where I was was kind of like Tokyo as there are so many immigrants and visitors to the hot spots. So I tried to stick to a little less well known areas not visited by _so_ many."

"That's cool." Usagi stated almost distractedly.

"I got a feeling you aren't that excited to see me."

Usagi froze and looked up at him and shook her head. "It isn't that, I'm sorry, I'm glad you're here, and I _am_ excited, you just caught me completely off guard, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon and I guess I'm still in a state of shock. Please, just give me a little time to process this. Because first you weren't here and now suddenly, here you are!"

Mamoru smiled reassuringly. "I understand. It's still a surprise for me to be home, I feel like I'm going to be somewhere else tomorrow and this will all have been a dream."

"Yeah, a dream." Usagi mumbled and they arrived to the ice cream shop that Mamoru knew was her favorite. She perked up and ordered two different flavors and Mamoru only ordered a single scoop flavor. They headed to the park. "So did you really like America? Naru says that it's pretty neat but Minako said she loves her home town in the UK better. I really want to go and visit Australia one of these days and actually use my English a lot more. Did you pick up and learn a lot of English?"

Mamoru laughed. "Yeah, I did, they don't really speak a lot of languages there, at least for the most part, some try. So it was either sink or swim and I did all right, I'm still waiting for my grades to transfer. I really liked America as well, there are so many different types of people and its so diverse even within a city. But I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to be with people I know I'm going to see for the rest of my life. I made a lot of friends over there, but here is where I really want to be for a long time."

Usagi smiled sweetly. "I'm glad to hear that, I don't know if I'd like it if you'd suddenly decide to leave me again."

"I'm not going to, and it was the hardest thing doing so the first time. I hadn't known you when I applied for this program and once I was on it, it was suicide to my career to jump ship."

"I know, that's why I pushed you to go." Usagi linked arms with him and everything felt like it was back to normal, it was so natural for them to be together.

"What's this all about?" There was a stage and a few amusement rides being built in the park over looking to lake.

"Oh, the Three Lights are putting on a show and the fair decided to contract them to pull in more visitors to the area." She quickly changed the subject to something not dealing with his absence or what she had been up to while he was gone. She changed it to something safe and uneventful and he went along with it. He'd find out about the youma attacks later, there had to be a reason for them and he wanted to know if there was a new enemy.

He let the moment pass, he'd ask later about the three lights; her relationship with them and the new senshi who he knew weren't from his galaxy. They walked back to the grove's opening and Usagi's lips formed a half smile. "Thank you for the walk and the Ice Cream." While it was an odd thing to say, considering he did it all the time when he was here, he only nodded in response.

He offered to walk her home but she shook her head, she had something else she needed to get done before she settled in at home. He parted ways with her, but he didn't even get a chance to lean down and kiss her before she was gone.

"Goodbye Usako." He said to the fading form of his love.


End file.
